soooooo, ^{whats everyone up to ?}

im so bored here. im going insane.

im used to being able to do stuff.

so sitting around this _lame house is not my idea of a good time.

i want to go out. and enjoy life as the teenager that i am. you know.

im sitting here rotting away.

ive gained 5 and a half pounds since summer started. no one else may notice but because its my body.

I NOTICEEEEE !!

lmao.

i really have nothing to write about, but writing on here. is way better then holding all my pense up energy inside.

just tust. i consantley want to fight. with my fists, you know, just to take my anger out. and thats not the way to go.

ilovethelifeilive<333.

HELLOOOOO.

and good morning to all.

im back to the life of babysitting :)

anyways. thanks to all who wrote comments to my last written blog. im ready for this change too.

okay, but besides that. i feel like ive been really mean to my boyfriend. after all he's done for me.

yesterday i gave him an attitude because he acts like he has no time for me. he'll tell me he'll call me and never does. then i'll call him and he'll be like call me back and never does. but then he's having  friends over and shit. it aggervates me. you know. and last night i confronted him about it.

okay, i was mean, but i was hurt. i didnt know how else to express my feelings toward him. then last night i had a dream that he was cheating on me right in front of my face.

and along time ago i looked up "what cheating dreams may mean." and it said that your loved one may not be spending enough time with you so you feel cheated.

i never looked at it like that until now. i always assumed he really was cheating.

he just lies. and it makes me suspichious.

but im not going to worrie about it. im going to let things be. if he loves me like he says he loves me, after 3 years than he'll be faithful.

only time will tell :)

love alyson.

hello fellow blogers,

i havent been on here in some time. along time to tell you the truth.

but i still have plenty to say. disregard all my previous blogs. i look back on them today and just realize that i cant point out others flaws. and that i have many of my own, and i wouldnt want others i adore to point them out.

ive just realized that i cant blame others for my unhappiness. and today i am a very happy person. yesterday was one of the best days of my life. not only was it my birthday, but the people i love and care about showed me how much they care. they comforted me when i cried. they gave me many hugs andim grateful i have each and every one of them in my life today.

my boyfriend and the man i wish to marry some day was the first to tell me happy birthday. that was truley very special to me.

he means the world to me and i hope that i never take advantage of him. EVER.

so now everyone that has read previous blogs i have written know that i am not some selfish brat. an ungrateful person. at least i have a father, you know.

and im not writing this today to impress ANYONE. im writing this for me. to proove to myself that i am starting a new chapter in my life weither i like it or not, and that i am maturing and growing with each passing day.

special thanks to my family and friends.

and my boyfriend.

i love you all.

:)

well, today wasnt as bad as i expected it to be. i was tired yes, thats because;; latley when i get ready to got to sleep my mind just cnt stp thinking of everything and anything. or my dreams keep me awake, so ive been really exausted. but other than that i pretty much enjoyed the day, i smiled, i laughed, i enjoyed myself. but it still feels like somethings missing and i can never figure it out.

im pretty much bored out of my mind though.

im kinda trying this new thing were i play things ear by ear, and just taking things day by day instead of trying to rush ahead.

but people are pushing soooo much shit on me, its really mind boggiling.

im trying to be strong and hold my head high.

will it be enough to make it through the day ?

<33.

im so tired of conversing myself with idiots. i swear people today just bother me. i really dont mean to sitt and complain, but seriously ;; why cant people just grow the fuck up ?! im tired of letting people in and then letting my guard down, then i get walked all over. its my fault really. im sure. listen to this ;;

this kid that likes me (hmm. ill call him lollipop) well lollipop knows i hve a boyfriend, and he was all like my parents are going out of town i want you to come over. i said know. then i old one of my friends (ill call her lamb) lamb went behind my back and told lollipop. Lollipop told lamb it wasnt true, then he spreaded a rumor that i invited myself to his house. hes ridiclous.

its all truley messed up. he must be ashamed to let people know hes attracted to me.

i just cant believe how cold people are you know ?

my other friend (tree) she told people i was fucking around on my boyfriend, which was the biggest lie of them all, because she wanted to be with him. Tree was my best friend for over 6 years. no more friends after that.

i have so much stuff on her, but id never tell a soul or would i ?

Her moms boobs are fake, dont let them fool you.

Then there's this kid who called me a whore because all my best friends are guys.

i cant help it if ever girl that was my friend screwed me over.

less girls that are friends, less drama !!

if you think im a whore cause ivve only had two boyfriends. then i must be one, but i know deep down inside that people only sy mean shit because they are jealous. but fuck them. they are nothing to me.

then theres my dad, hes a drunk and a tadd bit abusive at times. its heaven when hes gone.

i mean i dont know him enough to say i love him. but i love him enough to say i dont fully hate him you know ?

he thinks im going to be a low-life like him.

well, fuck that im going to proove him wrong.

my step mom. well - - - she hates tht i hve a life and she doesnt.

she'll get over it.

well ive got to go.

ill be back soon, hopefully.

- alyson hayes.